natkinnat: (Just-In)
That's kinda of love that never finds manifestation in real world.

I've been trying to find words to express my tender feelings toward someone who was not available for me and I had to bear this in mind in our email letters. I just wanted to say something caring without breaking the border line of being friends. And the words I've come up with were "Please, take a good care of yourself".  Time passed by, my feelings developed and there was a moment when we had been on a trip together by a coincidence. And the last words that he said to me when we'd parted were "Take care of  yourself" and we hugged.
There's an irony in this phrase for me since then.
Just like the most tender words that can never break the border line.
natkinnat: (mommy)

There's a decision made that gives away all what we are inside to support somebody we love unconditionally. In this case the decision is made because of the need to be supported from the object of unconditional love. That's a quote from a fic, that very well describes this moment of taking a fateful decision:

"He’s going to take up all of my love, and I’m going to give him all of my love no matter what,"  a thought came with such fierceness, a promise or perhaps a challenge to all those bastards who had done this to him, hurt him without him deserving any of it.

But the decision can come as a reaction to a repeated fascination with somebody, when time after time something divine keeps touching our soul through that somebody's words, behavior, looks, feel... When somebody conquers our love and devotion maybe even without being aware of it happening.

This kind of love is a total surrender of self in a total manifestation of love and perhaps it's the purest one a human heart is capable of.


Feb. 13th, 2011 05:11 am
natkinnat: (mommy)
It was never a question to me that I'm sexually attracted to men and not women. I'm straight as a woman could only be.
I've never wanted to kiss a woman in my life, I'm positive about it.

But when it comes to that feeling that excites and pulls humans together, this chemistry that just there and nowhere to get away from it then. I can remember the last time I've had it with a woman.

She was a little older, had a husband and a daughter and a lover... So we were in hospital together with quite many other women in the room. When this need of physical nearness got really bad she got into my bed beside me (we both fully clothed) and we enjoyed the fluctuations of flow circulation through our bodies. And then this was done, the need subsided and never came back that bad again, though we didn't see each other much later anyway but I have a vivid memory of her.

I remembered about this looking through Randy Harrison and Gale Harold together photos in the Internet. Gale is straight and all, but the chemistry is there, no doubt. I'm not sure how it works with men. But I know that anyone I have this thing with is a special person in my inner life, no matter how long or short our time together was and no matter if we even kissed. It worked this way since I was a kid, I like a person or not based on this feeling within, and the stronger the feeling was the more I liked (was attracted to) the person.

So there they are the invisible strings of life attached to everyone, energy lines, karma, I don't know, whatever it is called, it is quite physical, though invisible.
natkinnat: (tree)
Let this color of love be named green, for there's a lot of green things in nature that grow. I mean development.
This kind of connection makes one to share and the other to learn things that he/she will be really great at someday,
because the recipient is meant to learn those things and this quality by itself provokes the one who possess the experience and knowledge of the thing to share it.
And the thing could be really anything, but mostly it's something that requires to master it, to put a lot of passionate effort and attention to improve at it and actually to develop intuition about it, to bring the process of doing it to the state of art. And what a pleasure it is to practice something you are getting better and better at. And what a fucking luck it is when there's someone who can do it really good and he/she is available to help you to improve your skill.

This is a kind of love I cherish the most.
Many shades of this color I guess parents get with children. But it is the brightest  in true teachers with true students bond.


natkinnat: (Default)

July 2011

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